KHY

I'm a traitor.

• Connecting to server...
• Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.
• You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
• You: Greetings.
• Stranger: Salutations
• You: How are you on this fine evening?
• Stranger: Quite fine,
• Stranger: you?
• You: I am well. I was just talking to a smurf.
• You: It was...interesting.
• Stranger: I am intrigued, go on
• You: Well, I asked him a series of questions. Apparently, the smurfs are planning to kill the oompa loompas.
• Stranger: Those blue bastards!
• You: The Blue Man Group are smurfs, and the smurfs hate them.
• You: The smurfs hate Twilight, think Lady Gaga is the antichrist, and worship "the one." He didn't tell me who "the one" is.
• Stranger: We must affirm the authorities!
• You: I think we must as well. We cannot let them take over!
• Stranger: I'll go tell the President!
• You: He said they would be benevolent rulers, but I'm not too sure if he was telling the truth
• You: HOWEVER. Apparently there is only one female smurf, so if we get rid of her, the smurfs will have no ability to procreate. Then we will be safe.
• Stranger: We need to start stockpiling nuclear warheads, just to be on the safe side.
• You: I think that's a good plan.
• Stranger: As for the only female smurf
• Stranger: Do you know her coordinates?
• You: I don't, but it can't be too hard to figure out.
• You: We'll just have to go into Smurfsville to find her.
• Stranger: They will kill us on sight!
• Stranger: We need a spy
• You: Not if we act normal.
• You: We can paint an oompa loompa blue, but if the oompa loompa breaks out in song we're doomed.
• Stranger: I don;t think I could trust an Oompa Loompa to do a professional's work.
• Stranger: Get Mr. Bond on the phone
• You: I don't have his number. You'll have to call him. I'll call the Ghostbusters, but I'm not sure how much help they'll be.
• Stranger: You just gave me the perfect idea!
• Stranger: We need to go and capture a ghost and release it into Smurfsville
• Stranger: The only thing they can do is call the Ghostbusters
• You: By George, I've think you've got it!
• You: I like where this is going.
• Stranger: Instead of sending the Ghostbusters, we'll send a professional strike team disguised like them
• You: Excellent! Now, where do we find a ghost?
• Stranger: That was the part I thought we would have troubles with...
• You: We could go find a ghost at Hogwarts.
• Stranger: Are you sure there are any ghosts at Hogwarts
• Stranger: We don't have anytime to spare
• You: I'm positive! We'll ask Moaning Myrtle
• You: She'll help us
• Stranger: Amazing, let's go!
• You have disconnected.

Smurfs are amazing.

• Connecting to server...
• Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.
• You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
• You: Are you a vampire?
• Stranger: not really.
• You: Oh, that bites. What are you then?
• Stranger: clever pun.
• You: I'm glad you noticed.
• You: So if you aren't a vampire, what are you? A werewolf? A kraken?
• You: Maybe a unicorn?
• Stranger: a smurf.
• You: Oh. What's it like being a smurf?
• Stranger: lonely.
• Stranger: there'sd only one smurfette you see.
• You: Aw. That's sad.
• Stranger: and she's a prude.
• You: Dude, that sucks.
• Stranger: all i do is pick berries all day.
• Stranger: like wtf.
• You: Do you live on a smurf farm or something? Why are you picking berries?
• Stranger: smurf berries keep us alive.
• Stranger: i dont live on a farm
• Stranger: i live in smurfsville.
• You: Is that like a commune?
• Stranger: its whatever i want it to be.
• You: So it could be a meadow full of unicorns if you wanted it to?
• Stranger: we've had unicorns sightings.
• Stranger: yes.
• You: Really? That's kind of cool.
• Stranger: you speak of trhese unicorns a lot.
• Stranger: is there something you're nto telling me?
• You: ....maybe. Why do you want to know?
• Stranger: who do you work for.
• You: YOU'LL NEVER KNOW.
• Stranger: and are you trying to killl my peoples.
• You: I don't kill smurfs. I consider them to be my friends.
• Stranger: we're solitary
• Stranger: except for my other smurf brothers.
• You: Do you have many brothers?
• Stranger: "you'll never know"
• You: Touche, my friend. Touche.
• Stranger: i wish we had a cool song.
• Stranger: those oompa loompas stealing our thunder.
• You: Those oompa loompas seem kind of lame, to be honest.
• You: I think you guys need to go to war with them.
• Stranger: agreed.
• You: Get rid of them once and for all
• Stranger: orange is so 2008
• You: Agreed. Blue is so the new black.
• Stranger: mmhmm.
• You: Maybe if you got rid of them you can work for Willy Wonka instead.
• Stranger: chocolate is better than smurf berries..
• Stranger: and all those other exotic candies.
• You: Hellz yeah. I've had a smurf berry, and...no. I won't be eating another.
• Stranger: it's best that way.
• You: You don't eat anything but smurfberries?
• Stranger: that's a secret.
• You: hmmm. interesting. *suspicious look*
• Stranger: i've always disclosed too much.
• You: Do you get in trouble for that? Or is that a secret too?
• Stranger: the one would never allow that.
• You: the....one?
• Stranger: ah shit
• You: Now I'm curious. I might have to visit smurfsville sometime soon.
• Stranger: i've already said too much again.
• You: That's ok. I won't tell anyone.
• You: Your secret is safe with me.
• Stranger: alright.
• Stranger: just like i wont mention your fetish for unicorns.
• You: I do not have a unicorn fetish. It's just a fascination.
• You: IT'S NORMAL, OK?
• You: Don't judge me.
• Stranger: you must be a horny fellow.
• Stranger: har har, i crack myself up.
• Stranger: us smurfs have quite the humour.
• You: You do. I did giggle at that lovely pun.
• You: What will the smurfs do during the zombie apocalypse?
• Stranger: we're pretty badass at defending ourselves.
• Stranger: need not worry.
• You: Do you have weapons of some sort to deal with them? I imagine they can be defeated the same way oompa loompas can.
• You: I wouldn't be surprised if the oompa loompas are zombies, actually. Their skin is just too weird to be natural.
• Stranger: we have our methods.
• Stranger: quite effective too if i can say so myself.
• You: Have you had practice?
• Stranger: perhaps.
• You: I'm kind of frightened.
• You: Do smurfs watch TV? Do you like Glee?
• Stranger: we don't fuck around.
• Stranger: i actually caught up with the season today
• Stranger: watched all 9 episodes haha
• Stranger: its a guilty pleasure.
• You: It is. Though I do hate that Rachel.
• Stranger: Yeah.
• Stranger: good at playing the annoying bitch though.
• You: Indeed.
• You: Do smurfs watch any other shows?
• Stranger: i only respond to direct questions.
• Stranger: and even then only sometimes.
• You: Do smurfs watch that vampire show?
• Stranger: hells nah.
• Stranger: unless you're talking true blood.
• Stranger: in which case, yes.
• You: I wasn't, but I'll put that down in my records.
• You: Do smurfs like Lady Gaga?
• Stranger: no.
• Stranger: she's considered the antichrist.
• You: Why?
• Stranger: annoying.
• Stranger: sellout.
• You: I do see your point.
• Stranger: shameful to see someone who actually has talent.
• Stranger: wasting it like that.
• You: Totally agree.
• You: What can you tell me about the Smurf Massacre of 09?
• Stranger: there was no massacre
• Stranger: it was a fabrication.
• You: Are my sources lying to me then?
• Stranger: the jews made it up.
• You: Sure they did.
• You: So if Lady Gaga is the antichrist, who is the anti anti christ?
• Stranger: i cannot reveal that
• Stranger: we only refer to it as 'the one'
• You: Is "the one" an actual human? Or...something else?
• Stranger: to say its proper name would be blasphemy.
• You: Do smurfs like Harry Potter?
• Stranger: eh.
• Stranger: only if it is read to us.
• You: Do smurfs like-- dare I say it-- Twilight?
• Stranger: puke.
• You: thank goodness.
• Stranger: please
• Stranger: we are a dignified species.
• You: I know. I was just testing you.
• Stranger: mmhmm.
• You: I have a friend who wants to know if smurfs or really blue, or green.
• You: Do you celebrate christmas?
• Stranger: are you barbara walters?
• Stranger: or oprah
• Stranger: because i feel i should be pocketing at least 2 mill for these answers.
• You: I will pay you in chocolate.
• Stranger: i don't need chocolate
• Stranger: i could have a lifetime supply.
• Stranger: once we take out them oompa's
• You: But what if you don't take out the oompa loompas?
• Stranger: victory is imminent.
• Stranger: just waiting for the right moment.
• You: I hope it's soon. I can't stand those oompa loompas.
• You: Always singing. Gosh they make my ears bleed.
• Stranger: need not worry my friend.
• Stranger: the world will be a better place in due time.
• You: Are the smurfs going to let the rest of us live in peace after the oompa loompas are gone?
• Stranger: most likely.
• Stranger: we don't worry about the humans.
• You: Why? It's not like they're a superior species
• Stranger: they'll surely doom themselves
• You: I can see that happening. I'll just sit back and watch that happen, and laugh.
• Stranger: smurfs will one day rule this earth.
• Stranger: and it will be a most glorious place.
• Stranger: until then, we bide our time.
• Stranger: in peace.
• You: I hope the smurfs will be benevolent rulers.
• Stranger: yes.
• Stranger: we just need to convert smurfette into a hoebag.
• Stranger: so we can procreate
• You: I hope you can convince her. would hate to see the smurfs slowly die out.
• Stranger: indeed.
• You: Are you sure there's not any women smurfs in hiding?
• Stranger: only time will tell.
• Stranger: perhaps smurfette is a conniving bitch.
• Stranger: and has taken liberties with all other females.
• You: It's a possibility.
• You: Are the smurfs friends with any other species?
• Stranger: perhaps.
• Stranger: we cannot share our alliances.
• Stranger: too risky.
• You: I see. Curious. Very curious.
• Stranger: indeed.
• Stranger: we must remain anonymous.
• Stranger: except for those bastard blue man group
• Stranger: they were outcasts in our land
• Stranger: and decided to venture off into your world.
• You: I hate them, if that makes you feel any better.
• Stranger: slightly.
• You: Are there plans to eliminate them too? I hope so.
• Stranger: we cannot kill our own kind.
• Stranger: hoping they will die in an avalanche or something.
• Stranger: anything works really though.
• You: That can be arranged.
• You: I'll ask my people if they can make it happen.
• Stranger: much appreciated.
• Stranger: (this conversation never happened when that day comes however)
• You: What conversation? ;)
• Stranger: :D
• You: What smurf are you?
• Stranger: psh
• Stranger: out of everything we've discussed
• Stranger: do you think i would tell you that.
• You: I thought I'd try.
• You: It was worth a shot.
• Stranger: sorry to dissapoint.
• You: I'll get over it. Eventually.
• Stranger: i surely hope so.
• You: I'm over it now. No use in dwelling on the past.
• You: Sigh. I feel like I've asked so many questions that I have nothing else to ask.
• Stranger: this is a shame.
• You: It is.
• You: I might have to go cry in a basket.
• Stranger: i wish i could provide a tissues for your issues.
• You: I think I have some here. I'll be fine.
• You: I just hope you will be ok without me interrogating you.
• Stranger: i will endure.
• You: I hope so.
• You: Well, Smurf Buddy, I think my master is calling me. I will leave you now. Thank you for answering my questions.
• Stranger: good day to you human friend.
• Stranger: praise be to allah?
• You: Of course. Good day to you as well.
• You have disconnected.

• Connecting to server...
• Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.
• You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
• You: JELLYBEAN!
• Stranger: you snk mah battleship
• You: I'm sorry, but you kind of deserved it.
• You: NO OFFENSE OR ANYTHING
• You: I hope you can forgive me.
• Stranger: ive talked to you before
• You: Have you?
• Stranger: yea
• You: When?
• You: Are you the voices in my head?
• Stranger: about 20 mins ago and no
• You: What did I say to you?
• Stranger: jellybean you sunk my battleship
• You: I don't recall.
• Stranger: well you did
• You: Not that I remember.
• You: You must have me confused with my evil twin.
• Stranger: oh ok
• You: I thought I got rid of the twin the last time, but I guess not. I'm sorry they troubled you.
• You: So, I have a BA in English. What should I do with it?
• Stranger: dunno
• You: Me either.
• You: I think I should have chosen a different route.
• Stranger: me too
• You: Do you like the show Glee?
• Stranger: kinda
• You: Only kind of?
• You: Why only kind of?
• Stranger: yea
• You: That kind of fails, man.
• You have disconnected.