Wednesday, November 18, 2009

I cannot stop listening to this song…I’ve never even seen HAIR.

Sunday, November 15, 2009
onlycupcakes:

Via Anita Jamal

I'm a traitor.

  • Connecting to server...
  • Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.
  • You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
  • You: Greetings.
  • Stranger: Salutations
  • You: How are you on this fine evening?
  • Stranger: Quite fine,
  • Stranger: you?
  • You: I am well. I was just talking to a smurf.
  • You: It was...interesting.
  • Stranger: I am intrigued, go on
  • You: Well, I asked him a series of questions. Apparently, the smurfs are planning to kill the oompa loompas.
  • Stranger: Those blue bastards!
  • You: The Blue Man Group are smurfs, and the smurfs hate them.
  • You: The smurfs hate Twilight, think Lady Gaga is the antichrist, and worship "the one." He didn't tell me who "the one" is.
  • Stranger: We must affirm the authorities!
  • You: I think we must as well. We cannot let them take over!
  • Stranger: I'll go tell the President!
  • You: He said they would be benevolent rulers, but I'm not too sure if he was telling the truth
  • You: HOWEVER. Apparently there is only one female smurf, so if we get rid of her, the smurfs will have no ability to procreate. Then we will be safe.
  • Stranger: We need to start stockpiling nuclear warheads, just to be on the safe side.
  • You: I think that's a good plan.
  • Stranger: As for the only female smurf
  • Stranger: Do you know her coordinates?
  • You: I don't, but it can't be too hard to figure out.
  • You: We'll just have to go into Smurfsville to find her.
  • Stranger: They will kill us on sight!
  • Stranger: We need a spy
  • You: Not if we act normal.
  • You: We can paint an oompa loompa blue, but if the oompa loompa breaks out in song we're doomed.
  • Stranger: I don;t think I could trust an Oompa Loompa to do a professional's work.
  • Stranger: Get Mr. Bond on the phone
  • You: I don't have his number. You'll have to call him. I'll call the Ghostbusters, but I'm not sure how much help they'll be.
  • Stranger: You just gave me the perfect idea!
  • Stranger: We need to go and capture a ghost and release it into Smurfsville
  • Stranger: The only thing they can do is call the Ghostbusters
  • You: By George, I've think you've got it!
  • You: I like where this is going.
  • Stranger: Instead of sending the Ghostbusters, we'll send a professional strike team disguised like them
  • You: Excellent! Now, where do we find a ghost?
  • Stranger: That was the part I thought we would have troubles with...
  • You: We could go find a ghost at Hogwarts.
  • Stranger: Are you sure there are any ghosts at Hogwarts
  • Stranger: We don't have anytime to spare
  • You: I'm positive! We'll ask Moaning Myrtle
  • You: She'll help us
  • Stranger: Amazing, let's go!
  • You have disconnected.

Smurfs are amazing.

  • Connecting to server...
  • Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.
  • You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
  • You: Are you a vampire?
  • Stranger: not really.
  • You: Oh, that bites. What are you then?
  • Stranger: clever pun.
  • You: I'm glad you noticed.
  • You: So if you aren't a vampire, what are you? A werewolf? A kraken?
  • You: Maybe a unicorn?
  • Stranger: a smurf.
  • You: Oh. What's it like being a smurf?
  • Stranger: lonely.
  • Stranger: there'sd only one smurfette you see.
  • You: Aw. That's sad.
  • Stranger: and she's a prude.
  • You: Dude, that sucks.
  • Stranger: all i do is pick berries all day.
  • Stranger: like wtf.
  • You: Do you live on a smurf farm or something? Why are you picking berries?
  • Stranger: smurf berries keep us alive.
  • Stranger: i dont live on a farm
  • Stranger: i live in smurfsville.
  • You: Is that like a commune?
  • Stranger: its whatever i want it to be.
  • You: So it could be a meadow full of unicorns if you wanted it to?
  • Stranger: we've had unicorns sightings.
  • Stranger: yes.
  • You: Really? That's kind of cool.
  • Stranger: you speak of trhese unicorns a lot.
  • Stranger: is there something you're nto telling me?
  • You: ....maybe. Why do you want to know?
  • Stranger: who do you work for.
  • You: YOU'LL NEVER KNOW.
  • Stranger: and are you trying to killl my peoples.
  • You: I don't kill smurfs. I consider them to be my friends.
  • Stranger: we're solitary
  • Stranger: except for my other smurf brothers.
  • You: Do you have many brothers?
  • Stranger: "you'll never know"
  • You: Touche, my friend. Touche.
  • Stranger: i wish we had a cool song.
  • Stranger: those oompa loompas stealing our thunder.
  • You: Those oompa loompas seem kind of lame, to be honest.
  • You: I think you guys need to go to war with them.
  • Stranger: agreed.
  • You: Get rid of them once and for all
  • Stranger: orange is so 2008
  • You: Agreed. Blue is so the new black.
  • Stranger: mmhmm.
  • You: Maybe if you got rid of them you can work for Willy Wonka instead.
  • Stranger: chocolate is better than smurf berries..
  • Stranger: and all those other exotic candies.
  • You: Hellz yeah. I've had a smurf berry, and...no. I won't be eating another.
  • Stranger: it's best that way.
  • You: You don't eat anything but smurfberries?
  • Stranger: that's a secret.
  • You: hmmm. interesting. *suspicious look*
  • Stranger: i've always disclosed too much.
  • You: Do you get in trouble for that? Or is that a secret too?
  • Stranger: the one would never allow that.
  • You: the....one?
  • Stranger: ah shit
  • You: Now I'm curious. I might have to visit smurfsville sometime soon.
  • Stranger: i've already said too much again.
  • You: That's ok. I won't tell anyone.
  • You: Your secret is safe with me.
  • Stranger: alright.
  • Stranger: just like i wont mention your fetish for unicorns.
  • You: I do not have a unicorn fetish. It's just a fascination.
  • You: IT'S NORMAL, OK?
  • You: Don't judge me.
  • Stranger: you must be a horny fellow.
  • Stranger: har har, i crack myself up.
  • Stranger: us smurfs have quite the humour.
  • You: You do. I did giggle at that lovely pun.
  • You: What will the smurfs do during the zombie apocalypse?
  • Stranger: we're pretty badass at defending ourselves.
  • Stranger: need not worry.
  • You: Do you have weapons of some sort to deal with them? I imagine they can be defeated the same way oompa loompas can.
  • You: I wouldn't be surprised if the oompa loompas are zombies, actually. Their skin is just too weird to be natural.
  • Stranger: we have our methods.
  • Stranger: quite effective too if i can say so myself.
  • You: Have you had practice?
  • Stranger: perhaps.
  • You: I'm kind of frightened.
  • You: Do smurfs watch TV? Do you like Glee?
  • Stranger: we don't fuck around.
  • Stranger: i actually caught up with the season today
  • Stranger: watched all 9 episodes haha
  • Stranger: its a guilty pleasure.
  • You: It is. Though I do hate that Rachel.
  • Stranger: Yeah.
  • Stranger: good at playing the annoying bitch though.
  • You: Indeed.
  • You: Do smurfs watch any other shows?
  • Stranger: i only respond to direct questions.
  • Stranger: and even then only sometimes.
  • You: Do smurfs watch that vampire show?
  • Stranger: hells nah.
  • Stranger: unless you're talking true blood.
  • Stranger: in which case, yes.
  • You: I wasn't, but I'll put that down in my records.
  • You: Do smurfs like Lady Gaga?
  • Stranger: no.
  • Stranger: she's considered the antichrist.
  • You: Why?
  • Stranger: annoying.
  • Stranger: sellout.
  • You: I do see your point.
  • Stranger: shameful to see someone who actually has talent.
  • Stranger: wasting it like that.
  • You: Totally agree.
  • You: What can you tell me about the Smurf Massacre of 09?
  • Stranger: there was no massacre
  • Stranger: it was a fabrication.
  • You: Are my sources lying to me then?
  • Stranger: the jews made it up.
  • You: Sure they did.
  • You: So if Lady Gaga is the antichrist, who is the anti anti christ?
  • Stranger: i cannot reveal that
  • Stranger: we only refer to it as 'the one'
  • You: Is "the one" an actual human? Or...something else?
  • Stranger: to say its proper name would be blasphemy.
  • You: Do smurfs like Harry Potter?
  • Stranger: eh.
  • Stranger: only if it is read to us.
  • You: Do smurfs like-- dare I say it-- Twilight?
  • Stranger: puke.
  • You: thank goodness.
  • Stranger: please
  • Stranger: we are a dignified species.
  • You: I know. I was just testing you.
  • Stranger: mmhmm.
  • You: I have a friend who wants to know if smurfs or really blue, or green.
  • You: Do you celebrate christmas?
  • Stranger: are you barbara walters?
  • Stranger: or oprah
  • Stranger: because i feel i should be pocketing at least 2 mill for these answers.
  • You: I will pay you in chocolate.
  • Stranger: i don't need chocolate
  • Stranger: i could have a lifetime supply.
  • Stranger: once we take out them oompa's
  • You: But what if you don't take out the oompa loompas?
  • Stranger: victory is imminent.
  • Stranger: just waiting for the right moment.
  • You: I hope it's soon. I can't stand those oompa loompas.
  • You: Always singing. Gosh they make my ears bleed.
  • Stranger: need not worry my friend.
  • Stranger: the world will be a better place in due time.
  • You: Are the smurfs going to let the rest of us live in peace after the oompa loompas are gone?
  • Stranger: most likely.
  • Stranger: we don't worry about the humans.
  • You: Why? It's not like they're a superior species
  • Stranger: they'll surely doom themselves
  • You: I can see that happening. I'll just sit back and watch that happen, and laugh.
  • Stranger: smurfs will one day rule this earth.
  • Stranger: and it will be a most glorious place.
  • Stranger: until then, we bide our time.
  • Stranger: in peace.
  • You: I hope the smurfs will be benevolent rulers.
  • Stranger: yes.
  • Stranger: we just need to convert smurfette into a hoebag.
  • Stranger: so we can procreate
  • You: I hope you can convince her. would hate to see the smurfs slowly die out.
  • Stranger: indeed.
  • You: Are you sure there's not any women smurfs in hiding?
  • Stranger: only time will tell.
  • Stranger: perhaps smurfette is a conniving bitch.
  • Stranger: and has taken liberties with all other females.
  • You: It's a possibility.
  • You: Are the smurfs friends with any other species?
  • Stranger: perhaps.
  • Stranger: we cannot share our alliances.
  • Stranger: too risky.
  • You: I see. Curious. Very curious.
  • Stranger: indeed.
  • Stranger: we must remain anonymous.
  • Stranger: except for those bastard blue man group
  • Stranger: they were outcasts in our land
  • Stranger: and decided to venture off into your world.
  • You: I hate them, if that makes you feel any better.
  • Stranger: slightly.
  • You: Are there plans to eliminate them too? I hope so.
  • Stranger: we cannot kill our own kind.
  • Stranger: hoping they will die in an avalanche or something.
  • Stranger: anything works really though.
  • You: That can be arranged.
  • You: I'll ask my people if they can make it happen.
  • Stranger: much appreciated.
  • Stranger: (this conversation never happened when that day comes however)
  • You: What conversation? ;)
  • Stranger: :D
  • You: What smurf are you?
  • Stranger: psh
  • Stranger: out of everything we've discussed
  • Stranger: do you think i would tell you that.
  • You: I thought I'd try.
  • You: It was worth a shot.
  • Stranger: sorry to dissapoint.
  • You: I'll get over it. Eventually.
  • Stranger: i surely hope so.
  • You: I'm over it now. No use in dwelling on the past.
  • You: Sigh. I feel like I've asked so many questions that I have nothing else to ask.
  • Stranger: this is a shame.
  • You: It is.
  • You: I might have to go cry in a basket.
  • Stranger: i wish i could provide a tissues for your issues.
  • You: I think I have some here. I'll be fine.
  • You: I just hope you will be ok without me interrogating you.
  • Stranger: i will endure.
  • You: I hope so.
  • You: Well, Smurf Buddy, I think my master is calling me. I will leave you now. Thank you for answering my questions.
  • Stranger: good day to you human friend.
  • Stranger: praise be to allah?
  • You: Of course. Good day to you as well.
  • You have disconnected.
  • Connecting to server...
  • Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.
  • You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
  • You: JELLYBEAN!
  • Stranger: you snk mah battleship
  • You: I'm sorry, but you kind of deserved it.
  • You: NO OFFENSE OR ANYTHING
  • You: I hope you can forgive me.
  • Stranger: ive talked to you before
  • You: Have you?
  • Stranger: yea
  • You: When?
  • You: Are you the voices in my head?
  • Stranger: about 20 mins ago and no
  • You: What did I say to you?
  • Stranger: jellybean you sunk my battleship
  • You: I don't recall.
  • Stranger: well you did
  • You: Not that I remember.
  • You: You must have me confused with my evil twin.
  • Stranger: oh ok
  • You: I thought I got rid of the twin the last time, but I guess not. I'm sorry they troubled you.
  • You: So, I have a BA in English. What should I do with it?
  • Stranger: dunno
  • You: Me either.
  • You: I think I should have chosen a different route.
  • Stranger: me too
  • You: Do you like the show Glee?
  • Stranger: kinda
  • You: Only kind of?
  • You: Why only kind of?
  • Stranger: yea
  • You: That kind of fails, man.
  • You have disconnected.